A cock-eyed compilation of match reports, correspondence, and reminiscences from pundits, commentators, players, officials and spectators who weren't there but should have been.

This is the story of football as it's never been told before. A cock-eyed compilation of match reports, correspondence, and reminiscences from pundits, commentators, players, officials and spectators who weren't there but should have been. The nutmegs, the tantrums, the penalty shoot-outs that have provided the ubiquitous topic of male conversation for generations, are entertainingly evoked. If The Random History of Football boasted the stories were in bite-sized chunks, Luis Suarez would buy every copy!