Our goal should not be to eliminate vulnerability, but to harness its power. This is a roadmap for figuring out how.

We know the gut-wrenching feeling: that post-conversation replay, cringing at how much we just revealed. We live in fear of saying too much, so we keep quiet, guard our emotions and lock away our most personal thoughts.

But what if we’ve been worrying about the wrong thing?

A growing body of research shows we vastly underestimate the value of oversharing, with our spouses, friends, colleagues and even strangers. Vulnerability and openness can unlock some of life’s richest rewards: deeper friendships, stronger professional relationships, greater well-being and, yes, even love.

Drawing on over a decade of research and real-life stories, here behavioural scientist Leslie John explores why we hesitate to open up, when sharing really does backfire, and how to strike a balance between too much and too little.

Revealing empowers us to make smarter, bolder and more satisfying decisions about just how much we want to share and why.