My wife is a magician, yesterday she turned our car into a tree.

A big white horse walks into a pub. The barman says, 'we have a drink named after you.' The horse says, 'what? Eric?'

I said, 'waiter, what's that in my soup?' he said, 'I'd better call the boss, I can't tell one insect from another.'

I'm reading a book called 'Sex Before 20'. Personally I don't like audiences.

I said, 'it's serious, doctor, I've broken my arm in 20 places'. He said, 'well stop going to those places.'

I call my car flattery. It gets me nowhere.