I've always had an over-active imagination and felt the urge to be a massive f**king show-off so acting seemed like the obvious choice of career. There was never anything else I wanted to do more. But fulfilling my ambition wasn't going to be easy . . .

I grew up battling rural poverty which was a struggle enough but my family were completely insane to boot. Together with my brother Charlie, I staggered my way through adolescence from one drama to the next until finally, after years of trying, we had This Country commissioned by the BBC.

By sharing tales of how I accidentally auditioned to be a pole-dancer to being catfished by a one-armed internet boyfriend, I answer all of life's great mysteries:

Could I count wall plaster as one of my five-a-day?

Would I find the afterlife in the back of a shitty pub?

Who dropped the monster turd at the fake audition?

And just how much of a humiliating, ridiculous, screw-up of a s**t-storm life did I need to lead before I could finally realise my dream?